Archive for August, 2010
Success Is Tied To NOT Giving Up!
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Believe in yourself – The SECRET TO SUCCESS!
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Jesus knows you’re here!
Posted by: | CommentsA burglar broke into a house one night.. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
‘Jesus knows you’re here.’
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard
‘Jesus is watching you.’
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.
‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’
The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘Moses,’ replied the bird.
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’
You’ve Got To Keep Fit – No Matter What Age You Are!
Posted by: | CommentsYou have to stay in shape. Grandma Gatt, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is!
Getting Ahead Requires Faith In Yourself!
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Successful people form a habit…
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Sig Gatt Takes the Easy Way Out!
Posted by: | CommentsLife is a hard struggle – but you’ve got to keep moving
forwards and upwards. Don’t take the Sid Gatt was out!
5 Ways To Annoy Everyone…
Posted by: | Comments5 Ways to annoy everyone…
1. Speak only in a “robot” voice.
2. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
3. Sniffle incessantly.
4. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Forgetting what the fifth one was!
Bacon Tree!?
Posted by: | CommentsTwo Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving.
They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says…
“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell.
Ees bacon, I theenk.”
“Is, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon.”
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There’s raw bacon, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon … every imaginable kind of cured pork.
“Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree.”
“Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don’t forget.”
“Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon… ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree.”
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,
“Pepe… go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!”
“Luis, Luis MI amigo… what ees it? ”
“Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees a ham bush…”
SO SORRY I know there is something wrong with me for posting this. Just couldn’t help it! The little voices made me do it !!!
And I bet you tried to do the accent didn’t you – I know you did!
