Archive for Dating Jokes
Done By The Cops For Having Sex…
Posted by: | CommentsSid and his girlfriend were driving down the road in a very busy area, when things started to get somewhat passionate. They decided to pull over and park and have some fun.
Things were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside. All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window. The cop could hardly contain himself.
“Didn’t you know that you are not supposed to be having sex in public?” he asked the couple.
Being embarrassed by being caught, they said yes and apologized.
“Well, he said, I will have to write you a ticket.”
So the cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch their behavior.
After getting dressed, the girl asked Sid what the policeman wrote the ticket for. He responded, “Doing 69 in a 30 mph speed zone!”
Sid Gatt Meets a Gorgeous Nymphomaniac On a Flight!
Posted by: | CommentsSid Gatt boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him.
Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside him. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, “So, where are you flying to today?”
She turns and smiles, and says, “To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in London.”
He swallows hard, instantly crazed with excitement. Here’s the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she’s going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, “And what’s your role at this convention?”
She flips her hair back, turns to him, looks straight into his eyes, and says, “I will be speaking to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really,” he says, doing everything he can to maintain. “And what myths are those?”
She explains,”Well, one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed, when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average.”
“Very interesting,” Sid responds.
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don’t even know your name.”
Sid extends his hand and replies, “Tonto. Tonto Goldstein.”
Top 10 Things to Never Write on Your Online Dating Profile
Posted by: | CommentsTop 10 Things to…
…Never Write on Your Online Dating Profile
10. By law, I think I need to let you know that I am a registered sex offender.
9. I have a machete collection.
8. Online dating is for losers.
7. I’ve been clean for 2 weeks now…
6. Can you pick me up? My car was impounded.
5. My perfect date involves a drive-thru. Don’t worry, you can get whatever you want.
4. I hope you like moms because I still live with mine!
3. I’ve never been intimate with a human before.
2. My hobbies include chewing on glass bottles because they taste like ouch.
1. I need someone who can definitely protect themselves. I have a CRAZY ex.
If you know any more ‘Top 10 things to’ let me know and I’ll rework my list!
How about some others lists: Top 10 things to never write on your blog? Top 10 things to never say to your date? Top 10 things to never to do on your first date? Top 10 things to never to wear on your first date?
Sid has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date…
Posted by: | CommentsDating joke…
Sid has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.
“Well, okay,” he says, “how about a blow job?” “Yuck!” she screams. “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”
He says, “Well, then, how about a hand job?” “I’ve never done that,” she says. “What do I have to do?”
“Well,” he answers, “remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?” She nods. “Well, it’s just like that.”
So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.
“What’s wrong?!” she cries out.
“Take your thumb off the end!!”
If you have a great dating joke please leave it in the comments box…
Royal Wedding Fever!
Posted by: | Comments--
Thought of the day…Handle every situation like a dog.
Posted by: | CommentsThought for the Day: Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or hump it then p**s on it and walk away.
Mr. Berlussconi – you’re a one!
Posted by: | CommentsA friend sent me this in an email – I thought it was amusing enough to share with you!
A woman visits the HUSBAND STORE to find a husband.
Posted by: | CommentsA woman visits the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men have Jobs.
On the second floor, she sees a sign that reads:
Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good Looking.
” Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking
And help With Housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes
To the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help
with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the
Sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 32,477,912 to this floor. There are no men
On this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
Impossible to please…
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender-bias charges, the Husband Store’s owner opens a New
Wife Store just across the street.
Floor 1 has a sign that reads; Women that love sex.
Floor 2 has a sign that reads; Women that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
Is there a husband store near you?
Sid Gatt’s chance encounter in a restaurant
Posted by: | CommentsSid Gatt is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and much to his surprise her glass eye comes flying out of its socket, right towards him. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air. He reaches over and hands it back to the embarrassed owner.
“Oh my, I am so sorry, this has never happened before.” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”
Wanting to get to know her better Sid agrees and they enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks.
They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and Sid shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap … and stay for breakfast.
Sid agrees and they had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. Sid is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!
“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. I have had the most enjoyable time with you. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No,” she replies, “you just happened to catch my eye.”











