He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Emergency services had to be called.

Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

Hid in a ladies clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.

Please don’t do these at home folks – unless you’re a sad git!

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Am I reading that wrong? In my mind he was probably the greatest artist ever to have lived!!!
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The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to blast them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had gotten him back pretty good.

About Twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, “Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, And today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.

This has definitely stopped me farting altogether!